Hey y’all and welcome to another “Not Your Daddy’s Recap”. Tonight we’ve got our Texas Rangers matching up with Arizona. Kyle Gibson is on the mound making his Rangers debut.

If you’re new to “Not Your Daddy’s” here’s how we play: nothing but the highlights! And of course whatever wanders across my mind during the game.

Ketel Marte hits the first pitch from Gibson but thankfully it is almost right to Gallo, who makes the catch. I am wondering if this is an omen. Full count to Kole Calhoun. STRIKE OUT. Now that’s the kind of omen I am talking about! Another full count to Starling Marte, and Gibson walks him. Hmph. Escobar hits a double. This is not a stellar start by Gibson. Walker hits the ball and the throw to first by IKF is not caught by Frazier. They charge the error to IKF, which is a shame. Frazier just completely missed it. Two runs score. Peralta hits Walker in. People, can we get a third out? Gibson is already 26 pitches into this inning.

Channeling my inner Han Solo : I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Lamb on base. Mound conference. Nothing in the pitching improves. Vogt finally gets thrown out at first. Can the Rangers even get three runs?

I’m scared for this season, y’all.

Merrill Kelly to pitch for the D-Backs. We need hits. Choo hits to the warning track but it’s caught. Santana strikes out. Odor strikes out.

It seems disrespectful to Andrus to have him batting seventh. The batting gods are angry as Kelly has a 1-2-3 inning.

Gibson is back. Ahmed hits it right up the middle and Gibson kicks it with his foot. IKF can’t field it. Here we go again.

The Rangers do manage to get out of the second without letting any runs score. Small miracles people, small miracles.

Gallo at bat in the bottom of the second. We need a run. It’s a six pitch walk. Frazier hits a pop foul that’s caught by the first baseman. The D-Backs are either challenging whether Gallo left the bag early or got back to the bag in timeP? Neither option makes sense. What a waste of a challenge. For some reason the review takes over two minutes! Of course the call is confirmed.

Calhoun pops out to center and we’re finally to Elvis. Listen, I know he hasn’t had “sparkling” at bats but we owe this man some respect. Gallo actually gets a steal of second. Elvis grounds to short and is thrown out at first. The inning is over the the Rangers again fail to score a run.

GIbson starts the third with 46 pitches under his belt already. A walk to Escobar. Walker hits into a double. Finally we turn a clean play. Peralta pops out to Santana. A decent inning by the Rangers, and we’re only 1/3 of the way through the game <sarcasm>.

Chirinos flies out to right. IKF thrown out at first. Strikeout by Choo. 1-2-3.

Not a lot to say because honestly there aren’t a lot of “highlights” in this game for the Rangers. I think I’d rather be doing the dishes right now!

But no, I won’t leave you, the loyal reader, hanging. The game, as they say, must go on.

Gibson actually strikes out the first two. Maybe my threat is working. Final out comes on a grounder. Any inning we get out of without the D-Backs scoring is a good one.

The Rangers need a spark at the bat and they need it now. We have yet to get a hit. Yeah right. Say it with me, 1-2-3 inning. I’d rather be mowing the yard.

On to the fifth inning. I will admit, Gibson is pitching some better. As I type this, K Marte hits a single. Then the Rangers turn two. GIbson ends his game (most likely) with a strike out.

Seriously, is it beyond the scope of reality for the Rangers to get a hit? Why yes, it is. Still a no hitter after five.

Gibaut in to pitch for Gibson. Gallo misses a fly ball to right and the D-Backs have a runner on second. Then Walker moves to third on a balk. I”m not sure what Gibaut is aiming for with his small buzz of facial hair. I’d like to guess he’s growing a beard but at this point he probably just forgot to shave with all the offense the Rangers are providing. Vogt doubles a ball into the corner in right field and Walker scores. 4-0 Diamondbacks and this inning still isn’t over. They leave two on base as the inning ends.

The Rangers are at bat and I feel like I’ve lost all hope. IKF Grounds to second, and he’s on first, but it may be an error. Yep, it’s an error and they hit into a double play.

End of six and still no Ranger hits. I’d almost rather take a phone call from my ex. Almost.

Gibaut is done, Lyles in to pitch. He records his first strike out in a Rangers uniform. This time I want to say it- 1-2-3 inning!

Santana now 0-3. Odor hit it…it’s going.. it’s going… IT’S GONE! FInally a freaking hit, and a run to boot. But that’s it. End of seven and it’s 4-1 D-Backs.

Lyles looked good last inning so let’s hope that magic lasts. He does well. One base runner who gets to first but no further.

I remember the days when I used to get excited the Rangers were up to bat. Now, not so much. Andrus drops one up the middle in center. See, the man needs more respect than he is given in the seven spot! Base hit for Chirinos. I don’t see Kelly in this for much longer at 98 pitches. Tying run at the plate in IKF (who currently has the top Rangers BA at .250). He pops up for the infield fly rule. Kelly is out. Chafin in.

Choo up now. Full count…Choo strikes out and the inning is over.

On to the 9th inning. Volquez is on the mound now. Fly out to Santana, single into right for K. Marte, Santana tracks down a fly to center, hit batter so there’s two on with one out. Chirinos out to calm Volquez. It feels like this inning is dragging on forever and I’m not exactly sure the Rangers will get out of it without damage. Ground to first fielded by Frazier and *whew* we’re out of the inning.

Bradley in to pitch.

Down three runs and down to our last three outs.

Santana strikes out.

Odor strikes out.

Gallo strikes out.

Rangers lose 4-1. We have no offense. I watched this one so you don’t have to. I think that merits a raise, huh boss?